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Month: March, 2013

Nostalgia

Well looks like this blog has turned into a fortnightly thing rather than weekly! And I warn the next post is horrifically structured and probably of no interest to anyone at all.

In need of a good vent today. I’m feeling painfully nostalgic due to a certain Facebook photo. I lost a great friend of mine in July 2012 to cancer. He was a fantastic person with an equally fantastic family. I posted a tribute to him on Facebook back in July which his mother has obviously just stumbled across and liked, spurring on a good 20 more. They keep coming and I just want to take it down. It’s tearing at a wound that had never (and will never) properly sealed but that had reduced significantly. Happy memories we shared had replaced the awful ones of his final days. But the point is I turn 21 this year and although this is by no means old it is official adulthood. It’s a milestone birthday. A milestone that I am more than happy to reach but it hurts so much that my friend, and many, many other people will never reach it.

And, where has the time gone? 

My parents moved me to a foreign country at the age of 9. This was my second European move, my first being less influential at 2 years of age. They popped me into a local school thinking it would be the best way to learn the language and integrate into the culture. At 11 had to change schools and start secondary. This is where I met my friend who quickly became one of the best friends I have ever had and will ever have in my life. He was such an amazing person. I’m no stranger to death as I come from a huge family. My parents have never hidden funerals or death from me and funerals quickly became a (bi)annual event. But his was so different. This wasn’t an old uncle, a sick distant cousin or a grandparent. This was a happy, healthy friend of mine. My age. Someone I’ve grown up with, someone I’ve shared some of my best memories with. Someone I loved with all my heart. 

This blog post goes out to all the parents who have had to bury a child. It’s wrong and shouldn’t happen. 

EMT.

Something I’ve learnt today
– The past has been, the future is yet to come but the present is now.

Something that made me smile (and cry) today
– Reminiscing.

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Love and other drugs.

Today a friend and I missed the beginning of our lecture as we had become quite distracted by people watching. Have you ever done that? Sat in a busy place and just watched the world rush past you? One of my favorite places to do so is at the train station. People at train stations always seem to be in an incredible hurry and they always seem to know exactly where they are going. At least I always feel like I’m the only one who doesn’t. Except from when I’m in London. There is something about Victoria station that just makes my body know where to go and what to do. The ticket machines aren’t always as complying as I would like them to be but enough to let me join in the standard commuters sighing and moaning about “tourists”. Back on point. People. Fascinating. Sometimes I like to sit on a bench in Victoria, or any other crowded place and simply watch. I like to make up little stories about the people running past. Like the man talking quickly and loudly on his phone, shoulders hunched, nervous. I bet he’s dashing from his mistresses home back to his wife. I bet he’s on the phone to her right now complaining about overtime. Or the woman who looks like she’s about to break with the loud children and crying baby. What story does she have to tell? I think staring at her is quite weird enough let alone asking her for her story. But me being me before I know it I’m helping her with her buggy down the stairs and attempting to shush her loud children. I never heard her story but the smile lit up her eyes and changed the one I’d started to form in my head.

As I said in my previous post, I feel so strongly that people are too busy in today’s world. At least 4 people walked passed this woman before I helped her down the stairs. I’d like to believe that the 4 or 5 people that passed would have been more than happy to help… had they have seen her. No-one seems to pay attention to each other anymore. I walked passed a restaurant this evening and saw a lovely young couple on a date. Both on their smartphones, one emailing and the other on Facebook. It looked ever so romantic! I feel people are afraid to touch, afraid to speak their mind or let others know how they are really feeling. Did you know the most common lie (aside from yes, I have read the terms & conditions) is: Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine. How sad is that?

This rant is part of an epiphany I had with one of my best friends around 5a.m last Friday in a club toilet merely aided by un petit peu of narcotics. We felt the love and wanted the world to feel it with us. Although this feeling may have been slightly amplified due to Friday night fever, the message has lasted me until now, Monday evening. And who likes Mondays enough to be able to feel the love and mean it?

EMT

Something I’ve learnt today
– People don’t love enough (or at least they don’t talk about it enough!)

Something that made me smile today
– Family